Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend...

So, this post is mainly for me to get things off my chest, but I hope that maybe it will help someone else too.

I have just lost a friend. Not to death or moving away, but we are no longer in the friend category.
And it hurts. It really hurts.

I feel a little betrayed. I won't go into details, that's not fair to them, but I feel our relationship was unequal. I spent over a year being the best friend I could be: emotional support, a rock, making them laugh. I stayed up all night with then when they were sick, and hugged them when they cried.

However, if I needed that in return, I didn't feel I got it. I could cry, and I would be left to do so. If I was ill, there was no sympathy.

She seemed to get better, and I thought it would be ok. We moved house, she got a boyfriend, we all seemed more relaxed and happy. I had high hopes for the year ahead.

But things got worse. Not only was friendship not returned, but I never saw her. She would be in her room all the time, she never spoke to me when she passed me by, even when I spoke to her. Her boyfriend tried to get us together, but she never seemed to want to hang out.

I should put in here, as some may think, this is nothing to do with the boyfriend. Her behaviour was difficult before him, and it was gradually getting more isolated anyway. He is not controlling or mean, and I just wanted to rule that out in your minds.

Yet I'm left feeling this is my fault. At least, that is the impression I get from her attitude towards me. But I can't work out what I have done. I get an intense feeling of annoyance heading my way, and it hurts a lot. I have tried asking what it is, but I don't get a proper answer. Ever.

I have decided to give up trying. I feel I have done all I can. I will no longer take the flack for something I haven't done, and I am done with crying over something that is clearly one-sided.

If something doesn't work, try and fix it. But there is only so many times you can stick it together with tape before having to admit that it is defective.

If someone is hurting you, don't make yourself worse by slaving away at them. You get drained, and lead to feeling down and guilty about something that isn't your fault.

However, though I am not going to actively try and recover this, I am going to leave the door open for her. If she wants us to be friends, then she will have to make the first move. I believe in giving people second chances, so, I will wait. The door is not closed, but its ajar. I won't wait, but I will be ready if she comes and opens the door...